The parts begin to snap together again in my mind. Scattered thoughts, ideas and even morals collect and orient themselves once again like an army preparing for battle. Long ago I asked God to destroy my life. Not the safest thing to do, but I did, and more than once. I thought something huge would happen like my dreams of becoming a United States Marine would be dashed by some random physical defect and I would go through a time of wandering trying to find myself and eventually wander my way back to God.  I never thought that God would tear apart my mind.

   Let me explain. Recently I've been feeling like my mental abilities are half what they used to be, like there's some kind of block there. It's like running a marathon with a weighted vest that you can't see or touch, but you know you should be able to go faster than this. Tonight, I felt like that block was lifted and all the pieces (Morals, Ideas, Emotions, Attitudes) of the man I believe God wants me to be were all able to come together again. Some of you may have heard me refer to this as the "Cool Kid" Thomas, for utter lack of a better definition.
 
   To bring it back to the point. I feel like something snapped and the spell of the scattered mind was lifted. I think the problem was I lacked my King. Not that He wasn't there, but that I wasn't listening to Him, or maybe He wasn't talking as a lesson of sorts. Here's the weird thing. I've been trying to get close to God by reading my Bible lately and it feels so refreshing to feel those words pour into my soul, but I still didn't feel anything like the friendship I once had, I still didn't feel close to God. As it turns out, apparently God wanted to hang out with me and watch a movie this time instead.

    He has done this with several movies from time to time. As the movie plays, He shows me how His laws pertain to the situation, and even in bad movies He has shown me His character. I am failing to explain what I mean but perhaps you'll understand anyway. The thing I'm trying to say is that it's interesting to me that God din't come and speak to me during my Bible time like I expected. Instead, He chose to broadside me while watching a movie like a giant surprise bear hug that I didn't see coming and reveal a part of His Character to me. I also find it weird that that was what snapped me out of the spell of the scattered mind and even if it's only for a time, I'm still thankful for it.


     Well, it's bed time. Thank you so much to all those who pray for me. Apparently it helps. =)

                                                                                                        -NOTW_7-1