The parts begin to snap together again in my mind. Scattered thoughts, ideas and even morals collect and orient themselves once again like an army preparing for battle. Long ago I asked God to destroy my life. Not the safest thing to do, but I did, and more than once. I thought something huge would happen like my dreams of becoming a United States Marine would be dashed by some random physical defect and I would go through a time of wandering trying to find myself and eventually wander my way back to God.  I never thought that God would tear apart my mind.

   Let me explain. Recently I've been feeling like my mental abilities are half what they used to be, like there's some kind of block there. It's like running a marathon with a weighted vest that you can't see or touch, but you know you should be able to go faster than this. Tonight, I felt like that block was lifted and all the pieces (Morals, Ideas, Emotions, Attitudes) of the man I believe God wants me to be were all able to come together again. Some of you may have heard me refer to this as the "Cool Kid" Thomas, for utter lack of a better definition.
 
   To bring it back to the point. I feel like something snapped and the spell of the scattered mind was lifted. I think the problem was I lacked my King. Not that He wasn't there, but that I wasn't listening to Him, or maybe He wasn't talking as a lesson of sorts. Here's the weird thing. I've been trying to get close to God by reading my Bible lately and it feels so refreshing to feel those words pour into my soul, but I still didn't feel anything like the friendship I once had, I still didn't feel close to God. As it turns out, apparently God wanted to hang out with me and watch a movie this time instead.

    He has done this with several movies from time to time. As the movie plays, He shows me how His laws pertain to the situation, and even in bad movies He has shown me His character. I am failing to explain what I mean but perhaps you'll understand anyway. The thing I'm trying to say is that it's interesting to me that God din't come and speak to me during my Bible time like I expected. Instead, He chose to broadside me while watching a movie like a giant surprise bear hug that I didn't see coming and reveal a part of His Character to me. I also find it weird that that was what snapped me out of the spell of the scattered mind and even if it's only for a time, I'm still thankful for it.


     Well, it's bed time. Thank you so much to all those who pray for me. Apparently it helps. =)

                                                                                                        -NOTW_7-1

Rearranged Prioraties...Finally...Again.

      Once, a thirteen year old boy   stood under the stars and told God that if he had to make a choice between having a family of his own one day, and dedicating years of his life and comfort to serving others by volunteering to serve in the United States Marine Corps; that not only would it be selfish to choose a family, but he also didn't deserve to have a loving wife and kids. It sounds depressing, but actually, this kid was far from depressed, he was motivated, motivated to make a difference.  (Yeah, no duh right!? You guessed it genius! The boy is me. Now pat yourself on the back, reward yourself with a big cookie, and get back to the story.)

      In the year following this conversation with God, the boy's motives began to shift, The Marines seemed so far off and the boy knew that having both was hard, but possible so slowly, the desire to have a family began to overwhelm the desire to serve. It is, after all, the way the story usually goes right? Neither desire is particularly wrong or selfish, but one seems to me that joining the Marines would help more people. (There's much left out of this part of the story that some of you know, some of you think you know, and that some of you may know in the future, and none of you by any means know the whole picture. Either way, you probably won't ever find it here.)

      By the time the boy was 19 and the time for leaving for boot camp drew closer, the boy was focused very little on his aspirations of his past when he dreamed of and prayed and pleaded with God to be in special forces. The boy just wanted to get in, serve his time in the Corps honorably, and get out and have a family. The problem with that plan: No girl.  This problem took up much of the boy's thoughts and prayers and frustrated the boy even.  Little did he know, his plan, was about to be re-routed.

     Through a combination of Divine appointments, love of knives, boredom, and a video game called "HALO", the rearranging of priorities began. To make a very long story ridiculously short: "Hey, I'm Thomas....No, You're MacGyver...Very well then...*hours of talk about knives, Marine Corps, and weapons*...I actually have all the Halo books if you wanna borrow one...sure."

    The book, "Halo: The Fall of Reach" which is amazing by the way, woke up the part of me that longs to be so much more than normal, the part that knows if I trust God and work hard I can help more people than I ever imagined. It reminded me of a time when I believed that God would carry me through the trial and hardships of special operations missions in order to save and better the lives of innocent people around the world.

   There was, however, a catch, I still long to have a family one day, and I am once again reminded that I don't deserve such an amazing gift from God. Thus enters: an idea. A solution really. The dream of one day having a family gets put into a mental box and locked; the only key: "God's Grace".  It goes something like this: Pushing the pursuit of finding a girl out of my mind, (for the time being at least) and unleashing, the very motivated, "Marine Freak" (as it's been called by some) part of me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go all inhuman on any of you guys. I'm still gonna be the same old me (sorta) just with motivatedly shifted priorities.


    So what does the real life application of this plan look like?  Taking the Marine Corps Online classes on all sorts of thing to make me a better person/Marine; making hash browns out of my couch potato tendencies and working out more; finding good Christian friends to hang out with; keeping my eyes open for what God wants me to do; and, of course, getting deeper into God's Word and prayer and always be looking to Him every day for strength and wisdom in the decisions I make. 

     An about that box...if God happens to bring a Girl my way, and shows me some divinely inspired path to take, I'll probably open the box and see what happens...until then, to all of you guys out there, sleep in peace tonight, hold your family and friends tight, and live every day to the hilt; because I've got your six.

               No Worries, and Godspeed!
                                      -NOTW_7-1

  

Video Intro to My Room in Washington